live slow, love nature, be adventurous

Monday, January 6, 2014

Weekly Wishes & Adventures #8: Feeling Lost

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This week has been challenging. In fact, there were moments where I just wanted to proclaim that it was the worst week I have had in a very, very long time. My thoughts and feelings were all over the place and over Friday and Saturday I almost had a nervous breakdown. I was unsure of my place in the world, I didn’t know whether I was doing the right thing in my life right now and I was wondering whether all I had done in the last years had been for nothing. It also didn’t exactly help that Samuel, my boyfriend, had to leave for London again and that I once again was so not ready to bid him farewell – will saying goodbye ever get easier?

Needless to say, I was in a pretty bad place.

I had been away from my parents’ home for most of last week and when I came back, I was ready to just go to bed and to sleep for the next two weeks. Luckily, I had a heart-to-heart talk with my mother about my fears and insecurities and afterwards I felt more hopeful again

I think I have been holding back a lot of these feelings over the last couple of months, but now I have realized that I cannot go on this way. I need to take a deeper look on some aspects of my life in the next couple of months, but for now I’m simply trying to move forward slowly, but steady. I am still so young and sometimes I want life to move faster than it does.

I know that things will happen when they need to happen – and not necessarily when I want them to happen – but I need to take this truth a bit more to heart in the future.

This week, I am also going back to making more mindful goals in these Weekly Wishes posts. When I first started participating in this link up, I would think of goals that were important to me and then tried to really make sure that I fulfilled them. But when I started to travel more in the second half of the year, I lost that aspect of goal-making. I think it will be beneficial for me to engage more actively in this endeavour again and this week I really want to concentrate on tying up some loose ends and to focus on connecting with the people in my life that really mean something to me.

I think it will give me a real peace of mind to finally do all of these things and therefore I will put my heart into this this week.

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1. Show more appreciation

I am going to Paris with my mother and my uncle’s wife later this week and I think this is just what I need right now. I love Paris and am really looking forward to exploring one of my favorite cities in the entire world again. But mostly, I want to spend time with my mother and really show her how much appreciate her and my dad. My parents have always done a lot for me and continue to do so every single day and while we have always had a pretty good relationship, I could definitely do a better job at letting them know how much I appreciate their support.

As in most mother-daughter relationships, I am sometimes not as nice to my mother as I want to be or know I could be, so this week I am going to concentrate on being especially nice to her. I am really looking forward to spending some time together with her before I fly to Norway again and I want to make the most of it.

2. Answer all my mails and Facebook Messages

I started to go through all my mails earlier today and my inbox already looks a lot better. But there are still many comments on my blog that are unanswered and don’t even get me started on my Facebook inbox. The amount of messages from friends that I never answered is astounding and quite frankly embarassing. I always mean to write back when I have more time to compose a more elaborate answer, but then forget about it again and never do. I don’t want my laziness to come between me and my friends and therefore it’s time to finally tackle that inbox, though.

3. Re-plan my summer trip

I have been planning to go on an extended trip to Asia this summer for over a year: I wanted to go to the Philippines with one of my friends that studies abroad in Taiwan and then wanted to travel to Thailand and China with Samuel. I was super excited about it and could not wait to go, but recently I have noticed that this excitement just isn’t there anymore.

Thailand called my name for a really long time, but now there are other, louder voices that draw me in and I have begun to realize that I have been holding on to plans that were right for me a year ago, but that are not necessarily right anymore. I still want to travel for a bit longer this summer and I’m still going to Asia, but I have started to re-consider my options. All plans are still wide open, but I have started to discuss things with both Samuel and my friend and I feel much happier about them already.

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linking up with Melyssa

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